Everything Changes: Loss and the Four Reminders
In this blog post, we’ll continue exploring grief and loss through the lens of some of the popular Buddhist teachings. Today we’re going to take a look at The Four Reminders.
The Four Thoughts That Transform the Mind
For many centuries, Buddhist students have contemplated the Four Thoughts That Transform the Mind, also known as The Four Reminders. These simple teachings help us to examine our lives, see more clearly, and take action that aligns with our values. They are called thoughts that transform the mind because they show us truths about life that we often forget, ignore, or actively avoid thinking about. The Four Reminders are:
1.Precious human birth
The first reminder states that we are lucky to be born into the relatively fortunate circumstances of our human lives. Therefore, it is wise to practice gratitude, and do our best to make our lives worthwhile.
2. Impermanence
The second reminder shows us that everything changes and nothing lasts forever. Whether it’s pleasant or unpleasant, everything comes to an end. The truth of impermanence can be painful and difficult to accept, and it can also come as a relief!
3. Karma, or cause and effect
The third reminder demonstrates that our negative and positive actions have consequences. The teaching of karma offers encouragement that we can actually reduce our suffering and change our lives for the better.
4. Samsara, or the pervasiveness of suffering
The fourth reminder simply points out that suffering is an inescapable part of the human condition. Yet we are not doomed! By observing how the habitual thought patterns of the mind contribute to suffering, we can begin to change our minds and see things in a more realistic and clear-eyed way.
A Buddhist Approach to Grief and Loss
So what do The Four Reminders have to do with grief and loss? Here are my “translations” of these Buddhist teachings into ideas that can help us navigate through some of life’s difficult moments.
1.Practice Gratitude
When we become aware of the fleeting nature of life, we can find it easier to connect to the present moment with appreciation and gratitude. For example, if a beloved grandparent has progressive dementia, we can focus on the qualities we love about them that are still present, and be grateful for each precious moment we can spend together.
2. Accept Change
Often, our resistance to change causes more suffering than the change itself. Instead of adding to our struggles, what if we could accept that change is a natural part of life? Without change, there would be no birth as well as no death; no transition from summer to fall; no color, texture, or variation in our daily experiences. Impermanence can be a gift.
3. Take Meaningful Action
What we do matters. This is good news, reminding us that we always have the ability to make positive changes in our life, even when some things are beyond our control. What meaningful action can you take today that is in line with your values and aspirations? It might be calling a friend you’ve fallen out of touch with, or making time for a creative project. Even small actions make a difference.
4. Let Go of Limiting Beliefs
Our thoughts can keep us trapped in cycles of suffering. When we learn to recognize and let go of untrue or unhelpful beliefs, we open our minds and our lives up to new possibilities. Start by observing your thoughts without judgment. Are there any limiting beliefs that you’re willing to let go of?
Grief Therapy to Cultivate Acceptance and Self-Compassion
If you are navigating a difficult loss and are wondering if personalized support might help, please reach out. Therapy can be a wonderful way to learn how to apply mindfulness principles like acceptance and self-compassion in your daily life. I’m walking the path alongside you, and I am honored to support you on your journey.